


if stars would die, they'd create a black hole

by crippledmoonlight



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bookstore adventures, HBD ENNOSHITA U DESERVE A MINOR ROLE, Kenma is best friends with Ennoshita, M/M, part-timer!Kenma, pessimist!Akaashi, slight BAKT friendship, slight krtsk mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28383894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crippledmoonlight/pseuds/crippledmoonlight
Summary: Akaashi Keiji is a simple man — he just believes that beauty is fleeting and at some point, something beautiful will eventually meet it’s inevitable ruin.Except for one, maybe.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	if stars would die, they'd create a black hole

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello! this fic is dedicated to kris (user akakensuperior in twt), thanks for enlightening me with akaken's dynamic <3 and this is also for akaken nation <3 anyways, this is a longer version of my hq angst week 2020 entry with the same title :D you don't need to read that in order to understand this fic, because i changed some parts.
> 
> but if u ever want to read it here's the [[link]](https://twitter.com/tsukkishihma/status/1323646921106362369?s=20) :D

Akaashi Keiji is notorious for his pessimism. You talk about the beauty of feelings? He’d say that it’s temporary and it will fade away when time comes. You talk about the beauty of the skies when the sun is setting? He’d say that’s something you’d experience everyday, so why make a fuss about it?

In every praise that comes out to anyone’s mouth, will receive a negative clap back by yours truly, the walking apathy — Akaashi Keiji. 

A context to how he ended up thinking this way: he was known for a fact to notice every little detail, like noticing the way someone talks, how fidgety their fingers go when they tell a lie, how someone communicates using their eyes, how every lessons in a particular subject continuously repeats itself, to the point that he’d memorize every word and line that the textbooks and their teacher would always say, especially this specific phrase,

and he quotes “if stars would die, they’d create a black hole.”

For someone poetic, and mostly into literature, he thinks that line is beautiful. And because it’s so fitting to the reality he’s been living in — that beauty fades and nothing stays the same. Thus, the reason for always spitting out pessimism to pretty things and pretty faces was born.

This was also the reason why he’s left out at the corner of their room, having no friends to talk to — well, not really, sometimes he would have small talks with Tsukishima Kei about fictional characters from the novels they’ve both read, but he can’t possibly call him a friend, an acquaintance, maybe? Or a bookpal? Whatever works for the both of them. Sometimes Bokuto Koutarou and Kuroo Tetsurou would come and try to invade his space and entertain him with their so-called humorous jokes; he doesn’t have any group of friends that he can vibe to but, sometimes Tsukki’s group (a.k.a Tsukki and two rowdy guys namely the BoKuroo duo) would adopt him, most especially to tasks that are required in groups, and the three of them would tag-along with him when classes are over, but they’d go separate ways because they all live in a different avenue to Akaashi. 

Keiji never asks if “he” is friends with them, because first of all, who would want to be friends with someone like him? Someone like him who always spoils out the fun in everything. Maybe if someone would let him pick between being alone or having friends, Akaashi Keiji would probably choose the former. The mere thought of friendship stresses him out. And because he doesn’t mind on being alone, as it gives him peace, and he wouldn’t have something to overthink about.

He doesn’t mind being alone because friendship is tough work, and likewise, without proper foundation, proper communication and having conflict of interest within the circle — friendship will eventually drift away, and if that happens, it just proves that the beauty in everything only happens at the beginning, and by the time he reaches the end… it’s something that will linger on his memory, bitterly. 

“Hey, Akaashi.” a soft voice mentions his name, and he just answers him with a simple “Hmmm?”, not even giving the guy a quick glance nor attention, he just continuously watches the track and field club running their fifth lap. 

“It’s lunch time.” the boy informs him, still not sparing him any glance. He is quite aware with what time it is, he just doesn’t spend his lunch at the cafeteria nor with anyone at all because again, _he doesn’t have any friends._

His eyes finally met the other pair of orbs that looked like he'd been attempting to invite him for lunch. “You should come and sit with us — me, Kuroo and Tsukki.” Akaashi just gave the boy a small smile and shook his head as a response.

“Thanks for the offer, Bokuto, but no thanks.” 

—

The whole class would think that because of his pessimism, he doesn’t have anything that he adores nor appreciates. _Well, clearly they are wrong._ Tsukishima can vouch for him, at the very least, because of their tiny engagements with each other.

Though openly bringing negative side comments, he doesn’t really hate anything that is beautiful nor pretty — he doesn’t hate on pretty faces, pretty clothes, breathtaking views, beautiful feelings, friendship (and the list could go on, but it’d be too many to mention), he doesn’t antagonize any of these things (or maybe he does most of the time) nor detest the thought of it.

Akaashi Keiji is a simple man — he just believes that beauty is fleeting and at some point, something beautiful will eventually meet it’s inevitable ruin.

_Except for one, maybe._

He has this routine where he would always visit the bookstore twice a week, which was nearby their house, and also a far distance from school.

You know he already has his own little world, but entering the book store… it’s like a portal to a new universe, or rather, he’s stuck in a universe where time doesn’t exist: a place where - no matter how old or new a book is, the beauty of the words written by authors never change nor fade. 

_Maybe it’s one of the rarest stars that has never been erased._ The books… that is.

The bell from the store rings, and there it is: shelves full of books ranging from young adult, fiction, science and religion.

“Long time no see, Keiji.” someone greeted by the counter, and sitting there was a guy who had long and bleached hair, with cat-like eyes and a pretty face - holding up a game console during work hours.

“Long time no see to you too, Kenma.” he greets back before he completely indulges himself to the world of books.

Kenma Kozume is a part-timer at the bookstore Keiji visits, his shift would be during Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. And if you’d ask Keiji what he thinks of this fine young bleached-flaxen haired man, he’d never think that a person who shows his interest for technology would actually work part-time on a job that doesn’t require that much use of gadgets.

_Well, it’s still a job, and his work still pays him the amount he needs to pay for his university fees, anyways._

“How was school?” Kenma asked, not too quiet - but also not too loud. Just the right tone of voice, enough for Keiji to hear even from a distance. 

“Same old, same old.” 

“Ah.”

and then silence filled the room once again. But, only for a moment, because he hears a sound coming from the door, a new bookworm perhaps, checking out some books to add for their collection.

He tries to go closer to the book section wherein Kenma can clearly hear him, and where he wouldn’t be able to disturb the other person who recently walked in.

He coughs, “How about you, Kenma? How’s school?” starting the conversation once again. 

He didn’t hear any response coming from the other party, so he subtly checks on Kenma from the shelves, only to see him — having a conversation with someone else, who maybe is a close friend of the blonde, seeing that he was all smiles while the other person continuously talked.

Suddenly, he feels a heavy weight on his chest. And he doesn’t even know why.

—

“Hey, Akaashi. Do you have any plans after school?” Tsukishima, who is seated at Keiji’s front, asks him without even checking his face. 

_What day is it again?_ Akaashi asks himself internally, and then realizes it’s already Friday. _Ah yes, the weekend. The calm before another storm._

And oh, it was actually another one of his bookstore visits.

“Well yeah, but it’s not that important?” Akaashi hesitates to answer honestly.

“You’re not quite sure?” Tsukishima chuckles. 

“Ah well, we were just thinking about discussing the tasks that were assigned in groups, and you know… maybe try to begin with the task so that we can finish it earlier than planned.” The blonde continues.

Akaashi frowns internally, _looks like his designated day for his alone time isn’t going to happen right now._

“Sure, library after school?” 

“Nope. We have two rowdy boys, remember?” Akaashi scrunches his nose.

“After school at the café in front.” 

—

Kenma arrives earlier on Fridays because he only has two morning classes. And also because Fridays mean he would be the one to open the shop and do some work chores, before sitting down and doing nothing but wait for bookworms to visit.

_Finally._ He sighs and takes a seat at the counter, eyes closed and arms-crossed. _The rest he deserves._

Silence filled the whole store, and the only noise he could only hear was the sound of the air conditioner and the cars passing by outside. _Peace and quietness._

And then he hears the bell coming from the door. Too soon. He says and quickly opens his eyes to greet whoever it is that arrived.

“Fine afternoon, Kenma?” Ennoshita greets the blonde raising two cups of coffee at his hands.

“Hey Chikara, didn’t know you would swing by the store again.” Kenma answers as he reaches to get the coffee that his friend has brought him.

Chikara Ennoshita is the grandson of the bookstore owner, where Kenma is currently doing part-time. He was the one that recommended him to apply for this job, because at the very least, he doesn’t have to do heavy stuff while worrying about his unfinished tasks for school. The only thing he needs to do is arrange books to what section it belongs, clean the store, fix the inventory and check-out books that are sold.

“Thought I’d keep you company.” The latter answers back.

Kenma laughs at his friend's answer. “I thought it’s because your Grandpa asked you to drop by.” 

“Well… that too.” They stare at each other’s eyes before laughing in sync.

—

Kenma looks at the clock to check what time it is, he’s been impatiently tapping his feet non-stop for now. It’s already been hours since his friend Ennoshita has kept him company, and it’s already so close to closing the store — _and he still hasn’t seen the presence of the black-haired guy who always passes by every Tuesday and Fridays._

He sighs. _He never misses a day though…? Did something bad happen to him?_

He sighs once again until he noticed that Ennoshita wasn’t talking anymore and was staring at him in silence. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” The brunet asks.

“Ah...” 

“If you don’t want to talk about it, then it’s okay.” 

Kenma wasn’t able to find the right words to explain to Chikara about this certain guy he always looked forward to seeing on his shift days. He started to get flustered and all fidgety, in which Chikara was surprised to see.

He takes a deep breath, before finally putting the right puzzle pieces into place. 

“Umm, so there’s this guy — who always visits the store every Tuesdays and Fridays, which are two days worth of my shift, and uhh, I began to notice that he visits the store on these exact days because umm, you know Shirabu right? I asked him one time if he ever saw that guy on his shift, and he says that he doesn’t, and so I conclude that heonlyvisitsthestorewhenitsmyshift.”

The blonde’s cheek reddens when he said the last sentence out loud. _Oh my god, did I just assume that he only goes to the store when it’s my shift? JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!_

Chikara gasps -- because first of all, this is a sight to see: Kenma getting flustered, Kenma having an unreadable expression BUT at the same time, it looks like he knows what’s going on inside his head. Second, it’s been so long since he saw Kenma like this, so he quickly recovers from the shock, and laughs - cause the blonde tried his best to open up to him.

“Alright Mr. Gamer, what’s the name of this ‘mysterious’ guy of yours?”

Kenma smiled. His friend has definitely chosen the right word to describe this certain guy that makes his heart melt with his smile. 

He clears his throat, “Oh he’s definitely mysterious, Chikara. Mysteriously appealing! God, he’s so _so_ so attractive?! Damn, you know me, I am honestly weak for guys who look like an angel. Jesus, if you see his eyes -- those pair of gunmetal blue eyes? I think you’d like him too! But! He’s definitely off-limits Chikara, okay?” he jokingly threatens his friend.

Ennoshita just laughs at his friend’s statement. _Whipped. He’s definitely whipped._  
“Chill Kenma, I only asked for his name but here you are… talking a lot, like a lot about this guy, without even dropping his name.”

“Akaashi Keiji, his name is Akaashi Keiji.” The blonde answers his friend with a soft voice, but with _love_ evident in his tone.

—

Akaashi never knew that their meeting for this damned task would actually take quite some time. _Well, I guess I can visit the bookstore next week… I’ll just add another day to make up from missing today’s visit._

_But oh, Kenma only has shifts during Tuesdays, Fridays and uhhh… Saturdays? He groans. Maybe I’ll just visit the store tomorrow._

He looks at his groupmates, in which he was sitting and having dinner with. They were talking about some stuff (which is totally unrelated to their project), having a good laugh at some embarrassing memory, and planning out new trips for the upcoming break. 

He was minding his own business until he noticed that he was already included in their friendly banters. They were asking him questions about his unexciting life. 

“Are you really like that, Akaashi?” The raven-haired asks.

“ _Like that?_ Like what?” 

“Uhh, quiet? Shutting down everyone who tries to invade your space? Not wanting to communicate with everyone - including us?” Silence filled in their table. Honestly, Kuroo picked the worst words to say, when this meeting was supposed to be about a group project SLASH Operation: ATTAIN FRIENDSHIP STATUS WITH AKAASHI KEIJI. 

Yep, definitely picked the worst words to say.

Two pair of eyes were glaring at the bed-haired man, trying to check if telepathy could work or maybe Kuroo could see what message do their eyes want to tell, which is: shut the fuck up, Tetsurou / Bro, you fucked up for real. 

Akaashi rolled his eyes. _Well, I think I can catch up to the closing time of the store._ He says internally, before answering Kuroo’s question. 

“Well” he clears his throat. “Yes, I’m like this.” irritation evident in his tone. “No one wants to be friends with me because they can’t handle on shit I say. They _certainly_ hate how I spread negativity when we can always ‘look at the brighter side’ they said. That pretty sums up the reason why no one wants to interact with me.” 

Pretty much the reason why friendship is both beautiful and disgusting at the same time. If you don’t have the same ideals with the rest, they’d be talking behind your backs the next day, until you feel left out. 

“Well, I think you guys are an exception? But you aren’t my friends anyways.” He adds. Which took a turn to the trio's mood, because somehow, it looks like there is hope of being friends with Akaashi Keiji, and at the same time not? Still not quite sure. 

“Then be our friend.” Owl-eyes filled with determination suddenly, and finally asked the question — no, it wasn’t a question, it was more of an invitation, a warm and cozy invitation to friendship, to introduce Mr. Apathy with the concept of highs-and-lows of friendship, _just simply be a friend, and we’ll back you up always._

Akaashi stares at the trio in disbelief, and then blinks. _What the heck?_

“You’re willing to be friends with someone like me?”

“What do you mean someone like you? We’re willing to be friends with you definitely, Akaashi.” The blonde answers him with a soft smile.

—

The three (who suddenly declared to be friends with him) have finally decided to leave him alone (because they live exactly in a different way from him).

He thinks about their parting conversations on the way home. 

_“So, do you have anything that you consider that is your favorite? Or something that you enjoy?” The gray-haired asks him while walking. They were behind the two towers who are leading, and who also are apparently, lovers, much to his surprise._

_He thinks carefully about what he should answer to the man beside him, and actually, the only thing he could think of is, “the bookstore nearby my house.”_

_Bokuto looks at him, but he doesn’t spare him a glance._

_“Ahh, you like books? Given that you always talk with Tsukki.” Akaashi only hums in response._

_“But doesn’t your street have a lot of bookstores? Do you go to different stores on different days?” Tsukishima answers from the front._

_“Yeah, you have about… four to five bookstores along your street? Though they aren’t that close with each other. But you know, that’s still a lot.” Kuroo also jumps in the conversation._

_“Uhh, I only go to one store, though. The last bookstore in the street, located at the left side.”_

_“Ehhh? You only go to one bookstore. What makes this bookstore special? They like have almost the same architectural design? They all offer books? Given the name of the store?” Bokuto asks._

_Akaashi fell silent when he was asked about ‘what makes this bookstore special?’ question. Honestly, he could point out the ambiance, the mixed smell of old books to new ones (not that it differs so much) -- but that could also be the answer to every bookstore that’s not only along their street; maybe it was because it’s near home? Or is it the way when the sun sets, he automatically shifts his eyes towards Kenma’s direction, admiring his beauty and how the golden hour seems to fit him._

_Good thing that they already reached the point wherein they would part ways, because he doesn’t have the heart to answer another question. They bid their farewells, and Keiji is left alone once again._

—

He frustratedly kicks a small pebble along the way, _since when did frequent visits at the bookstore become an obligation? Since when did this start happening? Since when did he start feeling things like this? Is this the reason why his chest felt heavy when he saw him smiling at others - the same way he smiles at him the moment he steps foot at the door?_

He lets out an exasperated sigh, then stares at the night sky. _Maybe he was the rarest star all along, and maybe he’s that star that he’d be able to keep in his arms and by his side forever._ He tries to think with optimism. This is just one of the few moments that he’s able to accept that he appreciates beauty… and this beauty he appreciates is in the form of Kenma Kozume. All along. 

He walks with speed, with the thought that maybe, tonight, he can get a glimpse of this angel. 

And he did. 

Except that his angel was accompanied by some other guy, smiling, and laughing their hearts out, while finishing in closing the bookstore. 

_Was I too late? Or Do I even stand a chance in the first place?_ He asks himself, while standing at the corner, staring at them from a distance.

He felt a sudden lump in his throat; the next thing he knew was that glistening beads of sadness and frustrations slowly blurred his vision— tears streamed down his face, his heart throbbing painfully at the sight he just witnessed.

_So this is heartbreak._

_He already looks happy, I’m happy for him._

He was nowhere near happy, but for Kenma, he’ll try. Even if it pains him, even if his defeat is as clear as the moon shining at the night sky, and even if it left a hole in his chest, _heck he’ll try._  
—

Akaashi doesn’t visit the bookstore for a week.

And Kenma starts to worry about the missing presence of the quiet guy. Although they only exchange a few conversations, and although they only see each other's shadow twice a week, it was enough for Kenma. It was enough because he knows those gunmetal blue eyes would never look at him the same way he looks at him. 

_He knows._

—

A week turned into a month. Keiji never steps foot on the bookstore again.

He’ll never say it out loud, but he’ll admit that he misses the blonde, and how his nose scrunches when he hears the system that he failed the quest, how he yawns from time to time while waiting for other guests, how he lets out small smiles when their eyes meet through the shelves. He misses him dearly. But he doesn’t have the heart to try and check on him, nor has the guts to face him just yet.

But fate might have heard his innermost desire because he saw Kenma Kozume, sitting at one of the benches inside the school, casually reading a book, with his eyebrows furrowed. 

_Damn, what a sight._

Akaashi stares at him like he was a statue inside a museum. Beautiful. Pretty. Gorgeous. And All The Pretty Words he could Think Of. Seeing Kenma in a ponytail is a view that he could keep on staring forever. 

_Too soon._

Some brunet guy suddenly sat beside Kenma and gave him a cup of coffee. And the pain he experienced in that particular night seems to come back, _though it never faded anyways._

_Maybe this was a curse brought by the gods — for being too nosy, for not appreciating every beautiful thing they created._

_Maybe he was too focused on the way of reality, that he forgets that he needs to breathe._

_Maybe he was too involved with the idea of moments that are fleeting, that beauty will fade once they reach the old age._

Too blinded with every pessimistic thing he blurted out, instead of trying to change his ways.

He sighs and starts walking in a different direction. Bidding his farewell to their story that never even started anyways.

—

Kenma looks up and tries to check his surroundings. _Weird. He just felt that someone was watching him from a distance._ And then he notices the back of this certain guy who was already walking away, he knows this back so well, that it urged him to run as fast as he can to catch up to him and hug him from behind, telling him the words - _I miss you. Where have you been? The store looks a lot lonely especially without you. When are you going to visit again?_

But he didn’t. 

—

If stars would die, they’d create a black hole. And it really does leave a hole, except that the ones that died weren’t stars, it was their hearts. Keiji’s and Kenma’s hearts.

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello again! thank u for reading this fic :D so sorry if there are minor (or probably major) errors, hope u somewhat /enjoyed/ reading the fic :))


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